For This Reason

I just have to celebrate the very first comment on After the RIP by a "fellow widow".

Below is the comment made by Kemi Oyelola after my last post, Take a Look at Me Now. Kemi is a beautiful young widow who lost her husband a little over two years ago. She wrote:

"I found this very inspiring to read. Thanks for sharing this Blog. It helps to know that there's someone who's gone through what I have gone through, the pain, the tears, the frustrations I have felt. That song still brought tears to my eyes, even after two years that my husband passed away.

I watch my kids growing up and wish that he could have been here with me to watch them develop and grow. I still say things like "Akin, just look at your daughter, see how tall she's grown. She's slowly developing into a pretty young woman" just as if he were sitting beside me.

I look at my son sometimes and I see his father's face. And I smile to myself as I remember him. My son still asks me when his dad will come back, why he had to go even though I have told him his dad will not be coming back. I ask for wisdom from God to be able to answer his many questions.

It really hasn't been easy at all but God has given me so much strength to go on. Sometimes I think I have overcome my sorrow but there are times it still comes back to me. I remember and tears just roll from my eyes. When will I finally overcome?

I console myself that God alone can comfort me and heal my wounds. It is well!!"

Kemi

I met Kemi shortly after her husband died, my dear friend Gina called me and asked that I speak with her, try to see her through the dark period. It was something I was willing to do as I believe I have a calling to comfort others in their affliction just as I have been comforted by God. When I met her she seemed so cool, calm and collected but I could see through the act off course, I have been in her shoes. 

I have never been able to reach the grieving side of Kemi, never. Whenever I ask her how she is holding up her answer is always fine, fine or I am OK. She was so excited to read my posts that she just had to comment and let out all she had been bottling up inside.

She has been in my prayers and I am so glad that she was finally able to let it all out via this Blog.
Kemi, I know you will read this; I bet you felt a bit better after you expressed your feelings. Your comment brought tears to my eyes because I know that by writing about your pain you are finally on your way to healing and receiving comfort from the great comforter.

I sincerely believe that it was for this reason that I was led to start this Blog. To help people like you and i realize that we are not alone and we do not have to go through this alone. Sharing your pain, struggles, frustrations, breakthroughs, joys and gains from the whole experience can really go a long away to help us heal. Healing the right way will also ensure that rather than allow this horrible experience at such a young age smudge our future, we emerge as better individuals who have overcome against all odds.

Psalm 68:6: He places the lonely in families;

Have a great week ahead.

Hugs

Take a Look at Me Now

Not too long after my husband died, i was sitting in my parent's living room watching Phil Collins in concert, and the words of this song just seem to fit my circumstance perfectly. I turned to my brother and i said this song is about me right now. It was one of those times when i was still in shock and going around like a zombie so i didn't shed a single tear at that point in time.

A few years later, i heard the song again on the radio in my car and i burst into tears. Same song, but reacted differently and i think it was because i was experiencing different stages of grief at both times. The first time i was still in denial and the second time i heard the song i was experiencing anger. Yes, i was angry. I really wished he could have taken a look at me at that time to see how hard it was for me to cope without him, to see all i was going through at the time. I was so angry at him for leaving me at that point that i just wanted him to take a look at me and decide for himself if it was fair for him to leave me.

How can I just let you walk away, Just let you leave without a trace, When I'm standing taking every breath, with you, ooohhh,

You're the only one who really knew me, At all.

How can you just walk away from me, When all I can do is watch you leave, Cause we shared the laughter and the pain, And even shared the tears, You’re the only one who really knew me at all.

So take a look at me now, There’s just an empty space,

There’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face,

So take a look at me now, Coz there's just an empty space,

And you coming back to me it's against the odds, And that's what I've got to face.

I wish I could just make you turn around, Turn around and see me cry, There’s so much I need to say to you, So many reasons why, You’re the only one who really knew me at all.

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space,

There’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face,

So take a look at me now, there's just an empty space,

But to wait for you is all I can do,

And that's what I've got to face.

Take a good look at me now,

Cause I'll still be standing here,(Standing here)And you coming back to me is against all odds, And that's a chance I've got to take.

Chance I’ve got to take

Take a look at me now, ooh.

Take a look at me now. Take a look at me now.

I am in a different phase of grief now, i think i have accepted that he is gone, not too sure, though but i think so. Just heard the song again on TV this evening and i think i can say take a look a look at me now Dapo, I am a far cry from that woman you left behind 10 years ago. i have grown and changed in ways you wouldn't believe. You can’t imagine what God has done with my pain.

It’s been a long journey, i have really evolved. I hope you'll stick around as i share my story with you and hopefully i can get you to share yours with me. Maybe together we can take the mess life has thrown at us and make them messages of hope to heal this wounded generation.

Have a great week ahead! Hugs