Ten Years Now: In Loving Memory

Its exactly 10 years today that I lost my husband, ten whole years have gone by without him and I still miss him so much. I can still hear his voice like I heard it just yesterday. I can still see him smile and hear his laughter. How to dim his memories I know not how. I have tried to drown thoughts of him with work, relationships and God, but it has not worked. I have tried to move on but that just makes me miserable. I have always been bad at letting go, break ups were never my strong forte. When a person enters my life the person is usually there for good maybe that explains why in my case it’s been harder to let go. We had dated for almost 8 years before we eventually got married and we were married for three years before he passed. I can boldly say that he was my soul mate; nobody else really knew me or understood me, with him I was not afraid of being misunderstood because he knew me through and through. It’s really hard to let go of someone like that, weather dead or alive.

Love of my life, I miss you so much; I wish you were here every day. You need to see the children we made together. They have grown so big all thanks to God. It hasn’t been easy without you my love. I wish you could come back to me, to us, so we can have the life that we had planned to have. But that’s not going to happen. I can only thank God that I met you and that I had the opportunity of being your wife. I am so glad that you are the father of my children. I see you in them all the time Obafemi has your sense of humor and love for life, while Busola possesses that your envious ability to remain calm all the time.  

The truth is since you left, I have not been truly happy. I have survived simply by the grace of God. I almost feel like I have not truly lived in the past ten years, like I have been living some sort of pseudo life, a counterfeit kind of life. But with the help of God, my enabler that is all going to change now. God loves new beginnings and as I mark this 10^th year anniversary of your death I see myself becoming the woman you would love me be. I am learning to laugh a lot like you did, to enjoy every day and take life as it comes. You were never in frenzy about anything and I am learning to be like that. It’s not easy but I try.

Rest in Peace my love; I will try after this 10^th anniversary to move on. I will stop looking for you in everybody I meet because there will never be another you. I pray by the Grace of God that after this time the word of God that says that I will remember no more the reproach of my widowhood  (Isaiah 54:4) will be fulfilled in my life.

I have to thank everyone who has been with me and the children over the past 10years. I am really very grateful. Where will I be without my darling friends who have seen me through all the ups and downs? The people who supported me in the early years and helped me to stand on my feet? From the bottom of my heart i thank my pastors over the years, especial pastor Regina Obamanu who helped me realize that my mess would ultimately be my message. My sisters, brothers and my parents who have been just great and wonderful, I am also grateful for my in-laws who have been so supportive. I thank God for each and every one of you.

I hope to start a new chapter in this book and journey; I intend to make it one full of excitement and adventure. I will venture out of my shell, try new things and hopefully have new stories to share that will uplift and encourage other young widows.

It is well.

A Time to Mourn and When to Stop

Hello there, hope you are all keeping the faith and holding on at this time. Today I will be sharing with you what I have been going through these past few days; I sincerely hope that this impacts someone as they deal with their own loss.

A dear friend of mine lost her husband early this week and I totally lost it. I had been praying for him to survive the ghastly motor accident he was involved in and I had asked God to please spare me with having to face a friend who has lost her husband. In a way I knew I was going to react the way I did if I was ever faced with the situation and I wanted so badly to avoid it but I didn’t know just how bad it was going to affect me.

I discovered that when you have gone through a painful experience that has defined you and changed the entire course of your life, you do not only identify with someone who is going through what you have gone through but you almost also relieve the pain of your own experience through theirs. When I heard the news I cried and cried. To a large extent I was crying for my friend, not only did I know just how she felt, I know what she is going to go through in the weeks, months and years to come. I assumed that the fact that my own journey has been hard emotionally her own was going to be the same and I began to relieve all that I have been through over the past 10years and it made so sad.

The reason why I started the after the RIP organization was to provide emotional support for young widows so that they would not go through what I went through. I wanted to help and guide them in their grieving process so that they can easily, naturally and truly let go of the past and move on with their lives and It took the horrible death of my friends husband for me to realize that I have not healed completely myself.

Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that I shouldn’t feel bad that she lost her husband but I think that the extent of my own sorrow showed just how much I have not truly healed myself. According to my sister, “Healing is gradual but our emotions reveal to us when wounds are still festering and may need to be attended to”. According to her, I was still grieving for my husband hence my deep reaction to my friend’s loss. I was still grieving for the life that we would have lived, I may even still be unconsciously clinging to him and this may be responsible for the fact that I have not moved on in spite of the fact that it has been years since I lost him.

I think this sad event has brought me to the place of acceptance which according to experts, is the last stage of the grieving process. I have finally come to terms with the fact that Dapo Oluwole is really of blessed memory and he is not coming back. Yes, he was an amazing, generous and fun loving man. Indeed we lost a rare human being but I have resolved to let go even if it means letting go of the many memories of our time together that still fill my mind almost every single day.  

I don’t know if this is coming a little too late, maybe I would have done this earlier if I had the right information and counsel after he died. But I am a believer that God makes everything beautiful in its time and that I went through a prolonged phase of grieving so that I can share my journey with others and by God’s grace prevent them from grieving for longer than necessary.

My Darling Mary, only God can comfort you at this time. We all grieve in different ways but the emotions we go through are the same. Like I told you mourn him, he was your husband cry your eyes out if you must. There is a time for everything and the time to mourn is here. All I can add is that it is a time to mourn, this means that it has a beginning and an end. The Bible says that we shouldn’t mourn like people who have no hope. There is hope that you will come out of this stronger, better and with a brand new perspective on life that will make you soar beyond your wildest dreams. There is hope that the God of all comfort is with you and he has promised not to ever leave you or forsake you even especially at this time.  I love you. Hugs