Take a Look at Me Now

Not too long after my husband died, i was sitting in my parent's living room watching Phil Collins in concert, and the words of this song just seem to fit my circumstance perfectly. I turned to my brother and i said this song is about me right now. It was one of those times when i was still in shock and going around like a zombie so i didn't shed a single tear at that point in time.

A few years later, i heard the song again on the radio in my car and i burst into tears. Same song, but reacted differently and i think it was because i was experiencing different stages of grief at both times. The first time i was still in denial and the second time i heard the song i was experiencing anger. Yes, i was angry. I really wished he could have taken a look at me at that time to see how hard it was for me to cope without him, to see all i was going through at the time. I was so angry at him for leaving me at that point that i just wanted him to take a look at me and decide for himself if it was fair for him to leave me.

How can I just let you walk away, Just let you leave without a trace, When I'm standing taking every breath, with you, ooohhh,

You're the only one who really knew me, At all.

How can you just walk away from me, When all I can do is watch you leave, Cause we shared the laughter and the pain, And even shared the tears, You’re the only one who really knew me at all.

So take a look at me now, There’s just an empty space,

There’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face,

So take a look at me now, Coz there's just an empty space,

And you coming back to me it's against the odds, And that's what I've got to face.

I wish I could just make you turn around, Turn around and see me cry, There’s so much I need to say to you, So many reasons why, You’re the only one who really knew me at all.

So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space,

There’s nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face,

So take a look at me now, there's just an empty space,

But to wait for you is all I can do,

And that's what I've got to face.

Take a good look at me now,

Cause I'll still be standing here,(Standing here)And you coming back to me is against all odds, And that's a chance I've got to take.

Chance I’ve got to take

Take a look at me now, ooh.

Take a look at me now. Take a look at me now.

I am in a different phase of grief now, i think i have accepted that he is gone, not too sure, though but i think so. Just heard the song again on TV this evening and i think i can say take a look a look at me now Dapo, I am a far cry from that woman you left behind 10 years ago. i have grown and changed in ways you wouldn't believe. You can’t imagine what God has done with my pain.

It’s been a long journey, i have really evolved. I hope you'll stick around as i share my story with you and hopefully i can get you to share yours with me. Maybe together we can take the mess life has thrown at us and make them messages of hope to heal this wounded generation.

Have a great week ahead! Hugs