A Time to Mourn and When to Stop

Hello there, hope you are all keeping the faith and holding on at this time. Today I will be sharing with you what I have been going through these past few days; I sincerely hope that this impacts someone as they deal with their own loss.

A dear friend of mine lost her husband early this week and I totally lost it. I had been praying for him to survive the ghastly motor accident he was involved in and I had asked God to please spare me with having to face a friend who has lost her husband. In a way I knew I was going to react the way I did if I was ever faced with the situation and I wanted so badly to avoid it but I didn’t know just how bad it was going to affect me.

I discovered that when you have gone through a painful experience that has defined you and changed the entire course of your life, you do not only identify with someone who is going through what you have gone through but you almost also relieve the pain of your own experience through theirs. When I heard the news I cried and cried. To a large extent I was crying for my friend, not only did I know just how she felt, I know what she is going to go through in the weeks, months and years to come. I assumed that the fact that my own journey has been hard emotionally her own was going to be the same and I began to relieve all that I have been through over the past 10years and it made so sad.

The reason why I started the after the RIP organization was to provide emotional support for young widows so that they would not go through what I went through. I wanted to help and guide them in their grieving process so that they can easily, naturally and truly let go of the past and move on with their lives and It took the horrible death of my friends husband for me to realize that I have not healed completely myself.

Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that I shouldn’t feel bad that she lost her husband but I think that the extent of my own sorrow showed just how much I have not truly healed myself. According to my sister, “Healing is gradual but our emotions reveal to us when wounds are still festering and may need to be attended to”. According to her, I was still grieving for my husband hence my deep reaction to my friend’s loss. I was still grieving for the life that we would have lived, I may even still be unconsciously clinging to him and this may be responsible for the fact that I have not moved on in spite of the fact that it has been years since I lost him.

I think this sad event has brought me to the place of acceptance which according to experts, is the last stage of the grieving process. I have finally come to terms with the fact that Dapo Oluwole is really of blessed memory and he is not coming back. Yes, he was an amazing, generous and fun loving man. Indeed we lost a rare human being but I have resolved to let go even if it means letting go of the many memories of our time together that still fill my mind almost every single day.  

I don’t know if this is coming a little too late, maybe I would have done this earlier if I had the right information and counsel after he died. But I am a believer that God makes everything beautiful in its time and that I went through a prolonged phase of grieving so that I can share my journey with others and by God’s grace prevent them from grieving for longer than necessary.

My Darling Mary, only God can comfort you at this time. We all grieve in different ways but the emotions we go through are the same. Like I told you mourn him, he was your husband cry your eyes out if you must. There is a time for everything and the time to mourn is here. All I can add is that it is a time to mourn, this means that it has a beginning and an end. The Bible says that we shouldn’t mourn like people who have no hope. There is hope that you will come out of this stronger, better and with a brand new perspective on life that will make you soar beyond your wildest dreams. There is hope that the God of all comfort is with you and he has promised not to ever leave you or forsake you even especially at this time.  I love you. Hugs