Ten Years Now: In Loving Memory

Its exactly 10 years today that I lost my husband, ten whole years have gone by without him and I still miss him so much. I can still hear his voice like I heard it just yesterday. I can still see him smile and hear his laughter. How to dim his memories I know not how. I have tried to drown thoughts of him with work, relationships and God, but it has not worked. I have tried to move on but that just makes me miserable. I have always been bad at letting go, break ups were never my strong forte. When a person enters my life the person is usually there for good maybe that explains why in my case it’s been harder to let go. We had dated for almost 8 years before we eventually got married and we were married for three years before he passed. I can boldly say that he was my soul mate; nobody else really knew me or understood me, with him I was not afraid of being misunderstood because he knew me through and through. It’s really hard to let go of someone like that, weather dead or alive.

Love of my life, I miss you so much; I wish you were here every day. You need to see the children we made together. They have grown so big all thanks to God. It hasn’t been easy without you my love. I wish you could come back to me, to us, so we can have the life that we had planned to have. But that’s not going to happen. I can only thank God that I met you and that I had the opportunity of being your wife. I am so glad that you are the father of my children. I see you in them all the time Obafemi has your sense of humor and love for life, while Busola possesses that your envious ability to remain calm all the time.  

The truth is since you left, I have not been truly happy. I have survived simply by the grace of God. I almost feel like I have not truly lived in the past ten years, like I have been living some sort of pseudo life, a counterfeit kind of life. But with the help of God, my enabler that is all going to change now. God loves new beginnings and as I mark this 10^th year anniversary of your death I see myself becoming the woman you would love me be. I am learning to laugh a lot like you did, to enjoy every day and take life as it comes. You were never in frenzy about anything and I am learning to be like that. It’s not easy but I try.

Rest in Peace my love; I will try after this 10^th anniversary to move on. I will stop looking for you in everybody I meet because there will never be another you. I pray by the Grace of God that after this time the word of God that says that I will remember no more the reproach of my widowhood  (Isaiah 54:4) will be fulfilled in my life.

I have to thank everyone who has been with me and the children over the past 10years. I am really very grateful. Where will I be without my darling friends who have seen me through all the ups and downs? The people who supported me in the early years and helped me to stand on my feet? From the bottom of my heart i thank my pastors over the years, especial pastor Regina Obamanu who helped me realize that my mess would ultimately be my message. My sisters, brothers and my parents who have been just great and wonderful, I am also grateful for my in-laws who have been so supportive. I thank God for each and every one of you.

I hope to start a new chapter in this book and journey; I intend to make it one full of excitement and adventure. I will venture out of my shell, try new things and hopefully have new stories to share that will uplift and encourage other young widows.

It is well.