The Other Side of Grief

I lost two dear friends in the Dana Plane crash of June 3 and just like that, I was thrown into the cycle of mourning all over again in my life. I found myself in a dark place. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that a friend that I had talked with in the office only two days before and another friend that had come to see me at home just the day before were no more. I mourned them deeply, my blood pressure went up during that period and I had to take a hold of myself. I prayed to God to see me through the period, I was afraid that their deaths will take me to a place of sorrow that I will find difficult to rise from.

I prayed and still pray for the bereaved families, lifting them up to the God of all comfort. He alone can give the strength and peace needed to go through such a painful loss. I cannot begin to imagine exactly what they are going through because every loss is unique in its own way.  I found that praying for them helped me in many ways to deal with my own grief, putting their own pain ahead of mine gave me the strength I needed to pull through.

I have come to realize that although we cannot avoid the grieving process, it is important to grieve in a healthy way. It’s easy to get acquainted with grief, sort off make it a part of life. This is done unconsciously and most times we do not realize it until the damage has been done, it then becomes more difficult to move on with life.

Moving on in itself is easier said than done. We move on with our lives without actually moving on from the place of mourning, this is where I believe the damage occurs most of the time. The Bible says in Ecclesiastics that there is a time to mourn. This will mean that the mourning is needful whenever it is necessary but there is a set period for it, it has a beginning and most definitely should have an end. Most of the time we do not know when or how to stop mourning, like I said earlier it becomes a part of life, something we carry  around and live with.  I think this happens most of the time when we carry on with the activities of life, like going back to work or resume the activities we were involved with before the passing of the loved one and this muddles up the process, we think we are doing fine when in fact we are still in deep mourning.

From my experience I learned that it is important to play an active part in ending the grief process, it won’t just happen. You won’t wake up one day and realize that you have actually moved on and ready to start life afresh. You have to make a conscious effort and decide that you need to let go and move on. Like our dear Pastor Akinola Olumodeji preached just a day before he lost his life in that same Dana Plane crash “you can be sad for a while but you have got to let it go”. There is an indication that we are ready to let go and move forward when we no longer feel that intense pain in our hearts or have a longing for the presence of the loved one.

I don’t know at what stage of the grieving process you may be now, but if you can assess your progress and you think you have come to a point where you feel you have worked through the pain of the loss and your heart has mended to a large extent, then it is time to start the new phase of your life. Jesus himself has borne our grief and carried our sorrows therefore we are not permitted to bear them longer than necessary. It damages our health and eventually our lives. I know because I held on to the past and to my husband’s memory for years without even realizing what I was doing. I was truly happy with him in my life and I unconsciously didn’t want to go on with life without him. I had to decide that I could not allow the lovely memories overshadow the joys that can come out my life. I couldn’t move on while I was holding on, I had to let it go! So I could enjoy the abundant life that Jesus Christ died for me to have. Life is a precious gift and we need to treat it as such.

I personally believe that the earlier we decide to live our best life, the faster the healing and grieving process goes by. Losing my husband has been by far the hardest thing I have had to deal with in life but by the grace of God I am still standing, still sane. Bad things do happen and most of the times they make us depend on God more and through his spirit in us we become much better people from the experience rather than worse off from it.

I will stop here and pray that God of all comfort will help you to grieve in a healthy way and move on with life, close the door to one phase of your life and joyfully look forward to the next phase. He will be with you in the midst of the pain and give you the grace for new life, in Jesus name.

In loving memory of Adaobi Thelma Mojekwu and Dr. Abiodun Jonathan…I miss you guys dearly but I know you are in a much more better place. I therefore celebrate the lives you lived while you were here.

Have fruitful week ahead.

Kate