The Power of Gratitude

I have come to realize that giving can be therapeutic. I have heard people say that one of the fastest ways to cure depression is by helping others.

In 2012, I was a recipient of so much love and kindness from people that left me reeling in amazement.  I became aware that the people who have come into our lives are more important than the so called material things we possess, the relationships in our lives are God’s way of reminding us that he is not far away from us. Indeed he is with us every step of the way no matter what we go through.

The end of the year is usually a time to give gifts, cards or just say things to people that express how much you appreciate them. After being such a recipient of so much love during the year I decided that I would try my best to be a blessing to as much people as I could possibly be. I tried to keep to this throughout the year. Every time I did it I felt so much joy, the fact that I could be responsible for someone’s smile or cause someone to give thanks to God is so liberating in itself, it takes your mind off your so called issues and makes you focus on God and all he has done for you.

I once had a security guard who had a habit of not saying thank you. He took everything that we (my neighbors and I) did for him and his family of five children and a wife for granted. He considered it a right rather than a privilege that we would give him food stuff, clothes and cash aside from his salary. After some time I realized that the flow of gifts to him and his family from my end reduced in fact I didn’t feel like doing anything for him anymore, the only reason I continued was because I put into consideration his children and the fact that they needed help due to the obvious poverty they were living in, if I had given thought to his ungrateful attitude I would not have given them anything anymore, I however had to disregard the attitude and continue to give whatever I could to him and his family even though it was not as satisfying.

I must confess here that I didn’t give them as much as I would have if he did not have that attitude. Please don’t get me wrong, I was not doing the kind deeds for the thank you or the praises he would give in return, but my point here is that it is encouraging when someone you have been nice to expresses pleasure, you will find yourself unconsciously looking for more ways to show kindness to such a person if it is within your power and if they still need your help.

I can relate my experience to the many scriptures in the bible that command us to give thanks to God. I understand why it is so important to give thanks to God for all he has done. He may be a loving God who has done everything for us already but we won’t receive much from Him if we are ungrateful children, taking His grace and mercy for granted will not get us anywhere. Thanksgiving is such an amazing tool for progress, giving thanks to Him for what He has done will no doubt open new doors in our lives that nobody can shut no matter how hard they try.

2012 is almost over, I don’t know what the year was like for you, but please before it ends find time to think deep and give God thanks for all He has done in 2012. All is not lost; let us try our best to enter 2013 with thanksgiving in our mouths and expectancy in our hearts. It pleases Him when we show gratitude, doubtless He will do much more than He has done for us in the previous year. 2013 will be for us a year of “before we call he will answer and while we are still speaking he will hear” (Isaiah 65:24) by virtue of our attitude of gratitude towards Him.

May 2013 be the tipping point into your divine purpose and the rest of God.

 Hugs

Counting My Blessings

Hello friends, I have to keep apologizing for not blogging as often as I want to, I think about it all the time but life always gets in the way.  Recently, I heard a sermon about faithfulness and I felt like I was being scolded because I haven’t been faithful to my vision and dreams for this cause.

Today I want to stop and give God praise and thanksgiving for all he has done for me in my life. I recently turned Forty and like most people who hit a milestone, there was a tendency to reflect on where I was in my life against where I wanted to be in life.  I did reflect on my life and all I could see was God’s goodness, mercies and kindness.

It would have been easy to slip into a semi depressed state by looking at the achievement of loads of other Forty year olds who have achieved so much more than I have in such a short time but I was reminded of the friends I have lost along the way who did not have the opportunity to celebrate their Fortieth birthdays. It was an opportunity to take my eyes off all the things I didn’t have at forty and celebrate God’s faithfulness in my life with a joyful noise.

I give God thanks for allowing me to see my fortieth year. You I see,  I know if I praise him now for keeping me till this young age of forty, he will not only keep me up till my eightieth and beyond, he will also do that which no eyes have seen and no ears have heard in my life before then.

I thank God for saving my life both on the cross and while I have been here on earth. For the things he has done and the battles he has won on my behalf. I know that he has won many battled over my life when I had no idea that there was even a contention. There have also been times when the contention had been open and I saw God’s hand clearly reach down and snatch me from certain doom.

When I was 12 years old I fell into a well somewhere within the premises f a summer school I was attending at that time. The well was low (the same level with the ground) and we had been warned not to go that way. But still I wandered in that direction and I had tripped and fallen into the well. I recollect as I sank deeper and deeper into the water that I thought to myself this is it, this is the way I am going to die at 12 years old. But something happened afterwards that I cannot explain to this day, I sudden felt myself rising and the next thing I knew I was on the ground beside the well. All I can say is that God sent his angels to bring me out of that well that day. Awesome!

Moving on a few years, I was travelling back home from school at the end of the first semester of my first year in University, when the bus I was traveling in lost one of its tires and to the Glory of God no one was hurt despite the fact that the car somersaulted three times and all this whole fuel was pouring out of thee tank of the car. I bless God for safety all these years.

A few years later I had my first son and God delivered from Post Natal death, after his birth I lost so much blood that it was a miracle I survived. I bless God!

I have to thank God that after my husband death, I didn’t lose my mind and especially my faith in God. Rather the experience has sharpened my mental capabilities and also strengthened my faith in a God that is the author and finisher of my faith who loves me with a perfect love. Despite all that has happened I am still standing, still expectant that I will fulfill destiny and become everything God has purposed for me to become.

Shortly after I moved to Abuja four years ago I was involved in an accident in my colleague’s car, the car was totaled and I came out with just a small crack of the pelvic bone despite the fact that the other car collided with us on my side. God is faithful to his word that he will give his angels charge over us to keep us in all our ways. He is indeed a merciful God.

God has been good to me, I am alive, he has provided for me and little ones time and time again, I have a god job, Joy unspeakable, kids who are being taught of the lord and are growing in wisdom and in stature, loving parents, the best siblings ever and the greatest friends anyone could ever wish for. I have lived in a city where everyone says is tough to live in for the past four years and God has kept me, rather than downsize due to the economy I have expanded. I could go on and on! But I think the most important thing is that God has never failed to send me his word in season just when I need to hear it, his word is active and I am a testimony that it can change you and build you up. I am definitely not the person I used to be, I may have gone through a lot but he has sent his word to guide me very step of the way. Praise God!

It is the most liberating feeling to stop and count your blessings that is one of the weapons we can use against the devil when he tries to plant seeds of depressing into our minds. It is difficult for a truly grateful person to be depressed.

I have to end this write up with the lyrics in one of Kirk Franklin’s songs- “When I think of his goodness and all he’s done for me, I can dance, dance, dance, dance all day!”

I don’t know about you but I have never seen a depressed or sad person dancing. Halleluiah!!

Warm hugs,

Kate

The Other Side of Grief

I lost two dear friends in the Dana Plane crash of June 3 and just like that, I was thrown into the cycle of mourning all over again in my life. I found myself in a dark place. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that a friend that I had talked with in the office only two days before and another friend that had come to see me at home just the day before were no more. I mourned them deeply, my blood pressure went up during that period and I had to take a hold of myself. I prayed to God to see me through the period, I was afraid that their deaths will take me to a place of sorrow that I will find difficult to rise from.

I prayed and still pray for the bereaved families, lifting them up to the God of all comfort. He alone can give the strength and peace needed to go through such a painful loss. I cannot begin to imagine exactly what they are going through because every loss is unique in its own way.  I found that praying for them helped me in many ways to deal with my own grief, putting their own pain ahead of mine gave me the strength I needed to pull through.

I have come to realize that although we cannot avoid the grieving process, it is important to grieve in a healthy way. It’s easy to get acquainted with grief, sort off make it a part of life. This is done unconsciously and most times we do not realize it until the damage has been done, it then becomes more difficult to move on with life.

Moving on in itself is easier said than done. We move on with our lives without actually moving on from the place of mourning, this is where I believe the damage occurs most of the time. The Bible says in Ecclesiastics that there is a time to mourn. This will mean that the mourning is needful whenever it is necessary but there is a set period for it, it has a beginning and most definitely should have an end. Most of the time we do not know when or how to stop mourning, like I said earlier it becomes a part of life, something we carry  around and live with.  I think this happens most of the time when we carry on with the activities of life, like going back to work or resume the activities we were involved with before the passing of the loved one and this muddles up the process, we think we are doing fine when in fact we are still in deep mourning.

From my experience I learned that it is important to play an active part in ending the grief process, it won’t just happen. You won’t wake up one day and realize that you have actually moved on and ready to start life afresh. You have to make a conscious effort and decide that you need to let go and move on. Like our dear Pastor Akinola Olumodeji preached just a day before he lost his life in that same Dana Plane crash “you can be sad for a while but you have got to let it go”. There is an indication that we are ready to let go and move forward when we no longer feel that intense pain in our hearts or have a longing for the presence of the loved one.

I don’t know at what stage of the grieving process you may be now, but if you can assess your progress and you think you have come to a point where you feel you have worked through the pain of the loss and your heart has mended to a large extent, then it is time to start the new phase of your life. Jesus himself has borne our grief and carried our sorrows therefore we are not permitted to bear them longer than necessary. It damages our health and eventually our lives. I know because I held on to the past and to my husband’s memory for years without even realizing what I was doing. I was truly happy with him in my life and I unconsciously didn’t want to go on with life without him. I had to decide that I could not allow the lovely memories overshadow the joys that can come out my life. I couldn’t move on while I was holding on, I had to let it go! So I could enjoy the abundant life that Jesus Christ died for me to have. Life is a precious gift and we need to treat it as such.

I personally believe that the earlier we decide to live our best life, the faster the healing and grieving process goes by. Losing my husband has been by far the hardest thing I have had to deal with in life but by the grace of God I am still standing, still sane. Bad things do happen and most of the times they make us depend on God more and through his spirit in us we become much better people from the experience rather than worse off from it.

I will stop here and pray that God of all comfort will help you to grieve in a healthy way and move on with life, close the door to one phase of your life and joyfully look forward to the next phase. He will be with you in the midst of the pain and give you the grace for new life, in Jesus name.

In loving memory of Adaobi Thelma Mojekwu and Dr. Abiodun Jonathan…I miss you guys dearly but I know you are in a much more better place. I therefore celebrate the lives you lived while you were here.

Have fruitful week ahead.

Kate

Ten Years Now: In Loving Memory

Its exactly 10 years today that I lost my husband, ten whole years have gone by without him and I still miss him so much. I can still hear his voice like I heard it just yesterday. I can still see him smile and hear his laughter. How to dim his memories I know not how. I have tried to drown thoughts of him with work, relationships and God, but it has not worked. I have tried to move on but that just makes me miserable. I have always been bad at letting go, break ups were never my strong forte. When a person enters my life the person is usually there for good maybe that explains why in my case it’s been harder to let go. We had dated for almost 8 years before we eventually got married and we were married for three years before he passed. I can boldly say that he was my soul mate; nobody else really knew me or understood me, with him I was not afraid of being misunderstood because he knew me through and through. It’s really hard to let go of someone like that, weather dead or alive.

Love of my life, I miss you so much; I wish you were here every day. You need to see the children we made together. They have grown so big all thanks to God. It hasn’t been easy without you my love. I wish you could come back to me, to us, so we can have the life that we had planned to have. But that’s not going to happen. I can only thank God that I met you and that I had the opportunity of being your wife. I am so glad that you are the father of my children. I see you in them all the time Obafemi has your sense of humor and love for life, while Busola possesses that your envious ability to remain calm all the time.  

The truth is since you left, I have not been truly happy. I have survived simply by the grace of God. I almost feel like I have not truly lived in the past ten years, like I have been living some sort of pseudo life, a counterfeit kind of life. But with the help of God, my enabler that is all going to change now. God loves new beginnings and as I mark this 10^th year anniversary of your death I see myself becoming the woman you would love me be. I am learning to laugh a lot like you did, to enjoy every day and take life as it comes. You were never in frenzy about anything and I am learning to be like that. It’s not easy but I try.

Rest in Peace my love; I will try after this 10^th anniversary to move on. I will stop looking for you in everybody I meet because there will never be another you. I pray by the Grace of God that after this time the word of God that says that I will remember no more the reproach of my widowhood  (Isaiah 54:4) will be fulfilled in my life.

I have to thank everyone who has been with me and the children over the past 10years. I am really very grateful. Where will I be without my darling friends who have seen me through all the ups and downs? The people who supported me in the early years and helped me to stand on my feet? From the bottom of my heart i thank my pastors over the years, especial pastor Regina Obamanu who helped me realize that my mess would ultimately be my message. My sisters, brothers and my parents who have been just great and wonderful, I am also grateful for my in-laws who have been so supportive. I thank God for each and every one of you.

I hope to start a new chapter in this book and journey; I intend to make it one full of excitement and adventure. I will venture out of my shell, try new things and hopefully have new stories to share that will uplift and encourage other young widows.

It is well.

A Time to Mourn and When to Stop

Hello there, hope you are all keeping the faith and holding on at this time. Today I will be sharing with you what I have been going through these past few days; I sincerely hope that this impacts someone as they deal with their own loss.

A dear friend of mine lost her husband early this week and I totally lost it. I had been praying for him to survive the ghastly motor accident he was involved in and I had asked God to please spare me with having to face a friend who has lost her husband. In a way I knew I was going to react the way I did if I was ever faced with the situation and I wanted so badly to avoid it but I didn’t know just how bad it was going to affect me.

I discovered that when you have gone through a painful experience that has defined you and changed the entire course of your life, you do not only identify with someone who is going through what you have gone through but you almost also relieve the pain of your own experience through theirs. When I heard the news I cried and cried. To a large extent I was crying for my friend, not only did I know just how she felt, I know what she is going to go through in the weeks, months and years to come. I assumed that the fact that my own journey has been hard emotionally her own was going to be the same and I began to relieve all that I have been through over the past 10years and it made so sad.

The reason why I started the after the RIP organization was to provide emotional support for young widows so that they would not go through what I went through. I wanted to help and guide them in their grieving process so that they can easily, naturally and truly let go of the past and move on with their lives and It took the horrible death of my friends husband for me to realize that I have not healed completely myself.

Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that I shouldn’t feel bad that she lost her husband but I think that the extent of my own sorrow showed just how much I have not truly healed myself. According to my sister, “Healing is gradual but our emotions reveal to us when wounds are still festering and may need to be attended to”. According to her, I was still grieving for my husband hence my deep reaction to my friend’s loss. I was still grieving for the life that we would have lived, I may even still be unconsciously clinging to him and this may be responsible for the fact that I have not moved on in spite of the fact that it has been years since I lost him.

I think this sad event has brought me to the place of acceptance which according to experts, is the last stage of the grieving process. I have finally come to terms with the fact that Dapo Oluwole is really of blessed memory and he is not coming back. Yes, he was an amazing, generous and fun loving man. Indeed we lost a rare human being but I have resolved to let go even if it means letting go of the many memories of our time together that still fill my mind almost every single day.  

I don’t know if this is coming a little too late, maybe I would have done this earlier if I had the right information and counsel after he died. But I am a believer that God makes everything beautiful in its time and that I went through a prolonged phase of grieving so that I can share my journey with others and by God’s grace prevent them from grieving for longer than necessary.

My Darling Mary, only God can comfort you at this time. We all grieve in different ways but the emotions we go through are the same. Like I told you mourn him, he was your husband cry your eyes out if you must. There is a time for everything and the time to mourn is here. All I can add is that it is a time to mourn, this means that it has a beginning and an end. The Bible says that we shouldn’t mourn like people who have no hope. There is hope that you will come out of this stronger, better and with a brand new perspective on life that will make you soar beyond your wildest dreams. There is hope that the God of all comfort is with you and he has promised not to ever leave you or forsake you even especially at this time.  I love you. Hugs